


Apologies

by Shay_Nioum



Category: Sanders Sides (Web Series)
Genre: Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Apologies, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Fluff and Angst, Hurt/Comfort, Logan is sad, M/M, Mentions of Deceit - Freeform, Mentions of Patton - Freeform, Mentions of Virgil, Roman feels guilty, Roman's also depressed, There's also a confession if you look hard enough, and depressed, mentions of remus
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-11-22
Updated: 2019-11-22
Packaged: 2021-02-26 01:15:07
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,873
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21525067
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Shay_Nioum/pseuds/Shay_Nioum
Summary: Roman has something that he wants to tell Logan, and ordinarily, it could wait until morning... until they were all well-rested. But he knew that should he turn away now... he'd never tell Logan, and he'd spend the rest of the night calling himself a coward.
Relationships: Creativity | Roman "Princey" Sanders/Logic | Logan Sanders
Comments: 7
Kudos: 152





	Apologies

Its already well past midnight when Roman walks to Logan’s room, and its already well past midnight when he just stands there pondering on whether he should even knock or just walk right back to his own room and go to bed. Or… in the very least try to go to bed, and just lay awake staring at the ceiling with his own internal thoughts running him in circles until the morning sun were to rise. He very well could do that, Logan would never know that he was there, and he could go on acting as if nothing were wrong. He was an actor after all… such a skilled actor to keep on acting and acting like nothing was wrong. 

It would be easy, so very easy to do so. At least had it not been for…

 _“Shut up nerdy wolverine!”_ The very same lines that his own brother had spoken to Logan, it really was just the latest slap in the face that he was no better than his brother. Sure he didn’t quip about sex jokes, and he didn’t throw ninja stars at people’s head, but… he had hurt them in other ways. Much more personal ways in the way that his brother too was very adept at doing as well, he had hurt… oh, he had hurt. 

_“Hush sub-astute teacher!”_

_“Stupid!”_

_“Book germ.”_

_“You’re alone!”_

His fingers itched and itched the longer that he stood there, and the longer that he stood there the more he was coming to regret just being there in the first place. Who was to say that Logan would even be awake at this time? With such a stickler Logan was about getting to bed on time, surely he’d be asleep and he’d be even more upset at Roman for interrupting his much-needed rest. He could already imagine the lecture now, Logan with his crossed arms and his pursed lips forming a frown. Especially with what had happened after today, after being wounded multiple times by Remus and being put through the wringer he’d need that rest and-

A shadow moved under the doorway.

He was awake, after midnight no less.

He could still leave and… 

“No,” Roman roughly shook himself, was he a prince or wasn’t he? “No running, you came here to do something, so do it gosh dang it!” He scolded himself, feeling almost ashamed to how close he had come to just dropping everything and running like a coward. There would be no running today from this, not now and most certainly not ever in his opinion. 

Not about this. 

But that didn’t necessarily make it any easier on him, that was for damn sure. 

Swallowing thickly as he raised his clenched fist to the door, Roman took in a deep breath before his short terse knocks connected to the door undoubtedly alerting Logan that someone was there. And just like that, with that one little realization that soon enough… Logan would answer the door and he’d have t deal with the awkwardness of asking to come in, that set Roman’s nerves ablaze. So without so much as giving it a second thought, he seized the doorknob and stiffly jerked the door open as if his wrist had been attached to a marionette string and not his actual body. 

And upon opening the door, slammed it right into Logan’s face. 

Almost immediately a hundred apologies spilled from his lips as he scuttled into the room slamming the door behind him in order to check and make sure that he hadn’t irreparably hurt the logical side. 

“I’m so sorry! I didn’t mean to! I should have waited for you to open the door, like a normal person would have. I didn’t do this on purpose, are you alright? Can you still see? Can you think? Can you count? How many fingers?!” Despite this… despite everything that he had come here to do tonight… he had still managed to hurt Logan with something as simple as opening a fucking door. Even Remus could open a door without managing to kill someone, even Remus could apologize in his own ways when he managed to upset Deceit. 

Even Remus… was better than him. 

His fingers gingerly ran over the red mark on Logan’s face, as if his touch alone could take such a mark away as if it had never existed in the first place. “I’m sorry,” He whispered, guilt and grief coloring his tone, “I’m so very sorry… for everything Lo. I… I’ve been a bad friend.”

Logan impassively stared back at him, his hooded eyes layered with a look of thick exhaustion that Roman’s words clearly weren’t getting through. He really looked… dead tired, with the dark circles seemingly etched under his eyes and his tie discarded on his bed and the first few buttons of his shirt haphazardously undone. His clothes were wrinkled in the tell-tale sign of someone who had tried to fall asleep, but had ultimately failed to do so and was now just staying up until morning. Honestly… Roman had never seen Logan look so tired, true he usually only ever saw Logan after he’d had some coffee and was out of his pajamas, but this… 

He’d never seen this before. 

“I said,” He began softly, just in case that Logan truly didn’t hear him. “I-”

Before he could so much as finish his sentence, Logan almost ruthlessly interrupted him. “I heard you the first time,” He blandly replied, sleep depravation stealing all of his tact and poise. “And I am choosing to believe that this is a hallucination due to my lack of sleep. Because even on a good day, there is no way that you would come to my room and be humble enough to apologize to me for anything.” Logan straightened his shirt a little bit, “So clearly following all logical explanations, you are either a hallucination… in which I should probably get some sleep. Or you are Deceit, in which case… go fuck yourself right off into Remus’ dicks and die for even thinking to try this on me.” 

Roman could only wince, as it turned out Logan with little to no sleep had less care and composure than Virgil did in those very same circumstances. Patton would turn as white as a ghost if he knew that Logan spouted off the profanity that he just had. However, all of that in its entirety paled in comparison to the fact that… despite everything, Logan thought that he knew for certain that this very occurrence happening right here and now was impossible. 

He thought the sheer idea of Roman coming to apologize could only be the works of dreams or manipulations… not the creative side himself.

“Logan…” He softly uttered as he took a step forward, “I am sorry Logan,” Roman hated the break in his voice as he softly repeated the other’s name, but clutching their dear logical side’s hands even tighter he forced his words past it as he stared into those hooded exhausted eyes of his friend. “I said that I was going to be better after Virgil, and that I was going to try harder not to push anyone else away with my actions and words. But I’ve been doing that to you, and I’m so so sorry. It won’t be happening again Lo, I pro-” 

“Don’t.” 

Came the single soft word as Logan’s hands easily slipped out of Roman’s grasp, leaving the creative side startled more than anything as he gaped openly back at the logical side. There was an unreadable expression on Logan’s face, and while he might not have known what such a look meant just the fire scorching the insides of Logan’s eyes made Roman’s stomach twist and turn the longer that he dared to look back. He’d only ever seen that fire once in Logan’s eyes, and he could remember that day as clearly as any of the others. It hadn’t been his fault, or really Patton’s or Virgil’s… but that fire that looked as if it could burn down forests had been there for a reason. 

“What?” He softly asked, only daring to take the smallest of steps forward only offering to reach out yet again. To offer the physical comfort to whatever had created that turmoil inside of Logan. “Why?”

A rough snort answered him before he even had a chance to recoil, “Roman,” Logan bared his teeth in a mockery of a smile, a hurt smile but a smile nonetheless. “I said it once… and I’ll say it again. You can’t make fun of Virgil anymore so you moved to me, so logically speaking if you don’t make fun of me who are going to go to next? I can take it. I can take all of it. But Patton can’t, Deceit and Remus won’t take it. And Virgil… Virgil won’t be able to handle it if you just go back to tormenting him like before, and that will make Patton angry at you. So…” Logan roughly rested his cheek against his clenched fist, this time not even bothering to look back at Roman as his eyes stared blankly ahead as if he was no more than a ghost and was seeing right through the creative side. “I can handle it… I did before and I can do it now. I can take it...” 

Roman wanted to be sick. 

His stomach twisted and turned inside of him, to the point that Logan’s desk-side wastebasket overflowing with crumpled up notes was looking like the only place he could properly throw up in. _What had he done?_ How on earth had he allowed this to get this bad? His nicknames were meant as jokes, especially towards Logan… but that didn’t negate the fact that.. that Logan had this outlook towards something like this. He wanted to hit himself, to stand in front of his brother and take whatever the other half of creativity could throw at him. _What had he done?_ This was…

_Bad._

“You shouldn’t have to.” His words came out as no more than a whisper, and yet Logan’s head snapped up as Roman had just slapped him. Gingerly reaching forward, his hand shook and trembled until he cradled the curve of Logan’s cheek, his thumb slowly brushing over it as if wiping away imaginary tears. The words twisted and turned on his tongue, he needed to say this right… he needed to say this in a way that Logan would actually understand. “Logan… you shouldn’t have to deal with it, this isn’t a healthy mindset for you to have Lo… I don’t want to just keep hurting and hurting because I don’t have a filter. And you are hurting, you are… and there’s no shame in admitting that to anyone. I just…” Warmth burned at his eyes, and Roman internally cursed himself. “I want to help. I want to do better.” 

Just then in the slightest way possible, Logan’s bottom lip trembled as glassy eyes stared back at him.

Without even thinking about it, Roman seized the other side, pulling him into his chest and wrapping his arms so tightly around him that Logan would undoubtedly be able to feel his heart slamming against his ribcage. He cradled the back of Logan’s head as the other’s fingers dug into the fabric of his shirt, and as… as the wetness seeped into his shoulder. 

Logan.. Logan didn’t cry like anyone else he had come across, he had never really thought about it before but... He didn’t loudly weep like Patton did when watching a sad movie or being overcome by negative emotions, he didn’t shake and shiver as Virgil did in the throes of an anxiety attack, and he didn’t curl in on himself like Roman did when he tried to make himself as small as possible. He just stood absolutely still, the only evidence of his actions being the tears that were staining the creative side’s shirt and nothing more. His actions were so quiet… so precise, that it was impossible to be anything other than practiced.

Roman hated that, more than anything he had ever hated in his entire life. The mere image that it conjured, of Logan weeping to himself in the middle of the night trying to stay as quiet and emotionless as possible so that nobody could hear him. That he had practiced it, or even learned how to do it after being insulted one too many times… 

It tore at his insides unlike anything else. 

“I keep waiting for the shoe to drop,” At the sound of Logan’s hoarse voice Roman’s ears perked up a little bit, “Please just tell me, tell me when you’re going to be mean again. I don’t think that I can stand the waiting, so just… please.” 

Roman’s heart felt like it was tearing itself to shreds over the use of that one tiny little plea that escaped Logan’s lips, it hurt in ways that even the most worst battle on the field could never compare to. He wanted to hold the other side tighter, to hold him so tight that Logan would never even question the fact whether Roman hated him or loved him, he wanted to wipe away those desperate pleas until there was nothing left but understanding, he… wished that he had never acted the way he did in the first place. But he had, he had hurt Virgil with his black and white views, he had hurt Patton by always assuming that he had nothing to offer but sunshine and fluff, and… he had hurt Logan by verbally throwing barbs at him even when it was obvious that Logan had long since grown tired of their little games. He wished that he had never hurt them in the ways that he did, but… he did, and there was no going back in time to fix that. 

He had hurt, and now he needed to mend. 

“Logan,” He whispered the other’s given name as if it were a promise, “I can’t promise that there will never be another insult. I’m not the best at changing, but… call me out when I do. I want to change and I am going to change, I will try my hardest to ensure that shoe never ever drops, I can’t promise that it will never happen. I will slip up, and wh.. if I do… Tell me. Don’t ever think that you just have to deal with it to save the others from being hurt, because… Because, I love you, Lo. I don’t want you being hurt either, it doesn’t matter what it is that I’ve done. If it’s hurt you… tell me, and we can figure something out. I promise, I swear it to you.” 

In response to his words, Logan only clung to him that much tighter, not saying a single word as he held onto the creative side like they were the last two people left alive in a desolate world. But Roman was alright with that, Logan didn’t need to say a single word to get his feelings across right now, because there was always the morning and there was always a later time they could discuss this. 

He wasn’t in a hurry, and yet…

“Can…” Once again he perked up at the sound of Logan’s scratchy voice, “Can you stay here? Just.. just so I can be sure in the morning that this wasn’t some hallucination or dream? I really don’t want this to be a dream.” And his heart, as well as all of his insides, turned to mush at the simple and yet so very delicate request coming from the logical side. He would have conquered mountains for anyone of his friends, and yet Logan’s only request was… that he stay and not leave. In compared to anything he could ever do for Logan… this was almost too simple. 

“Of course,” He merely whispered.

Leading the exhausted side over to the bed, he didn’t hesitate for a single second before crawling under the sheets with him. Curling his arms around Logan he felt the other side curl up tightly, resting his head against the creative side’s chest where his heart was once again firmly thumping against his ribs. In that moment he felt all too warm as Logan’s breath tickled his skin, but he didn’t say a word about it as he rested his cheek atop the logical side’s messy pile of hair listening to steady rise and fall of the other’s chest. He listened for as long as he could, resisting the heaviness of his own eyelids as well as his own exhaustion that tugged firmly at his mind. But eventually after being awake for as long he was, he was unable to keep up with the battle being waged. As his eyes slipped shut one last time finally allowing him to slip off into a well-deserved slumber. 

“Sleep,” He tiredly mumbled into Logan’s hair, pressing a tired kiss against those messy curly locks of his. Only offering a ghost of a smile at the faint snore coming from the dear logical side. “I’ll be here, for as long as you need me. I promise.”


End file.
